Contact

Fill out the simple form below to send me a message. Through the miracle of modern technology, I will receive your correspondence – just like magic.

Do you wish to hire me full time? Well, do you have health benefits? And does your plan cover monstrous boob jobs?

Would you like me to work on contract for an obscenely high hourly rate? This can be arranged.

Care for me to just freelance write some snappy headlines for your campaign or kick ass copy for your website? I can do this as well.

Did you just happen upon my portfolio site whilst stalking an old high school crush? Are you eating your peanut butter and marshmallow fluff sandwich, sporting your skivvies in your dank mother’s basement (in which you currently reside with your extensive collection of  taxidermy animals)? If so, be sure to include your phone number.